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Who Invited Roger
Released April 2002
1. You Don’t Do It For Me Anymore
I know you don’t think of me as funny, I’m a funny kind of guy
This that and the other thing, only when I want to sing
It’s always did you, did you take out the trash, deposit all the cash
Well did you?
Let me fill you in on a secret, it’s typical for me, you see
I’ve got a criminal way I play and put off until tomorrow what I can do today
Aint no time to think with dirty dishes in the sink
And the protégé aint running so well, oh well
All I want to do is play golf on the Golden Tee, Fore!
The world aint ready for me, no, no
You like your gin sloe, sloe, sloe
With your monkey toes, toes, toes
And maybe I suppose
That you don’t do it for me anymore.
I’ve got the cell phone with the radiation pressed against my head
“Hello? Is anybody there?” You guessed it, I messed it up
When I tried to put the cinnamon in your face and leave an awful taste
So why can’t I make a donation, but where’d the bottle go
It aint my first rodeo, though Ian’s got the Crown and the reeb belongs to Keehr
Tell me about the rules of hockey, “Jim Carr here.”
And hey who knows
We could have a cup of joe
In another century or so
Or maybe I suppose
That you don’t do it for me anymore
And that’s when it hits you, you’re dead wrong
It took it out of me the way you yapped all day long
Just talk, talk, talk, I’m supposed to be shocked
About a sale they had going on down at the mall
Spring summer and fall, I don’t think so baby doll
Get used to it, get used to it
And like my friend Dirt said, “When you’re done, quit.”
I’m a product of the 80’s; we’re talking ass rock here, not Marcia Brady
And hey, who knows?
You like your gin sloe, sloe, sloe
With your monkey toes, toes, toes
And maybe I suppose
While you’re here we could have a nice talk
About the plethora of trips you took around the block
Or better yet there’s a short pier, take a long walk
Cuz you’re out of here sweetheart
You don’t do it for me anymore.
2. Highway
I woke up on the wrong side of the bed today
No wait, it wasn’t even my bed, would you let me start over
I woke up in someone else’s bed today,
Don’t ask me how I got there because I don’t care
The truth is I don’t remember.
Last night my head was spinning from intoxicated sounds
Right now I need a little hair of the dog to get my pounding head to settle down
It seems my life is just a general trend, always breaking
Never bending to society, what they think they see and what’s really me
Is not me, no, please don’t speak if you don’t know.
I’ll keep my head on my own shoulders and you can keep your nose on your own.
Cuz I’m a regular guy living happily, I’m giving all of my money to the university
And at the rate I’m going there’ll be no degree for me but aint that the way it goes?
Hey, I’m gonna figure it out someday.
But for now, it really doesn’t matter anyway
I’m driving down the highway in the wrong direction
Just to see the signs from the other side
I’m driving down the highway in the wrong direction
Honking on my horn and I’m always flashing my brights
Sometimes I find I’m stalling, my cash flow is low and I’m craving a bite
Looks like I’m gonna hog and jog tonight.
Sometimes I find I’ve got to be moving on.
The weekend it’s approaching it’s the same familiar scene
And at the rate I’m going, I’m gonna have to take one for the team
Nothing changes, everything stays the same and it’s driving me insane
I find I’ve got to be moving on
Keep it simple stupid living loving life so easily
Barley flavored beverages and my parentals don’t agree, but that doesn’t really matter
Because it’s all about the end result, my current status aint my fault
But sure it is, don’t take a wiz to see the road ahead of me is paved with good intentions
If I only make a 180, someday but not today because today it aint the life for me.
3. Four-Leaf Clover
Here I am again, haunted
Living in the corner, I need this
With all of my time, I’m patiently waiting
In the dark again, doubted
Staring out the window, I’ve wanted
So much to be, but I’m a patiently waiting
But you take me for the fool I’m trying not to be
So I leave my faith to a four leaf clover.
I’m so alive right now, wanting
Won’t you tell me something inviting?
This waste of time, it’s all I can cling to
Cloudy day appears from nowhere
Walking through the meadow, I’ve nothing that’s left for me.
It’s like I’m hiding behind you.
But don’t ask me what I’m forgetting
Because I don’t think I’m ready to know.
You take me for the fool I’ve tried so hard not to be
Why do you always see only what you want to
You take me for the fool I’m trying not to be
So I leave my faith to a four leaf clover.
4. Friends With Benefits
Easy come and easy go, is that the way it is now?
I’m happy and maybe I suppose, she’s healthy in comparison
It’s our latest ritual, but is the feeling mutual?
I see her call her but she’s just a friend
Every now and then
Single and you’re singled out, that’s what life is all about
Why do we do what we do?
I know it’s only acting but is it necessary?
And do you think we could be friends?
Maybe every now and then, we could be
Friends with benefits
Things are getting better because I’m getting back on top of it
Friends with benefits
Would you want it any other way?
Are you just playing me, tell me, tell me
It’s nothing new because I’ve been here before
And when you think of me, would you tell me, tell me
Do you imagine you want something more
Desire’s only relative but I don’t have a damn to give
Why do we do what we do?
I know it’s only acting, but is it necessary?
And do you think we could be friends?
Maybe every now and then, we could be
5. Baltimore
I’m sittin’ in a café, downtown Baltimore
Lunchbreak, bellyache, think I’m gonna take
An extended time of leave, vacation duration, void of confrontation
Like Switzerland I’m neutral, gotta go somewhere and get out of control
Where the beer it flows like wine, 24-7 there’s a party all the time, ole
Sublime, superb, do not disturb is the sign on my door at a quarter to four
Sometime in the afternoon, me and Tia Maria on a dizzy honeymoon
And to think my grip was slippin’, headin’ for a crash
I’ve got insurance but I’ve got no cash
But wait, time to mediate, you don’t, I do, why?
Because I got a case of the Monday’s but it’s only Wednesday,
Payday, paycheck goes to rent anyway
Gotta tab runnin’ at the end of the street
Why does a bitter stout taste so sweet
Ragtop, backdrop, cobblestone sidewalk,
Who’s in charge here, the donut or the cop
I’m calm, collective, I need a new perspective,
But I know, I’m all outta mojo, gotta go
Downtown, I got my G-string on and I’m lookin’ for love
Downtown, I gotta caffeine buzz but I keep on tryin’
Back into the thick of it and now that I think of it
Can’t fire me, fire you, I already quit
Rehearsin’, free versin’ conversation with another person
Cut me off, on the highway
Cut me off, I’ve had too many
Consider me the judge on trial
Like Ben Chee we fear your styles
But that’s the way it goes, the quid pro quo,
The things illuminated but I’m moving too slow
I’m in an elevator and I’m headed straight down
But I’m being bailed out by a rodeo clown
I’m feelin’, mopin’, junkie ropin’,
I can’t pay the toll cuz I don’t have a token
In another life I was a Kurt or a Tim
When I go to Egypt I say “Sim Sala Bim.”
You tried to frame me, couldn’t contain me,
With all your baggage I couldn’t maintain see
You were a train-wreck from the get go
Sucking out the gas from my El Camino
Go Speed Racer, shroomin’ like Mario
Go Speed Racer, turn up the stereo
MP3 player low on audio quality
Girl in the back got the bodily
Motions down to a T,
Fender Stratocaster played by the master
Ahh, you don’t feel right
It’s called Fernet, have a little and you’ll dance all night
Try to think randomly, never lay a hand on me
Here’s your diploma for congeniality
I like my salsa mild, A.D.D., huh I’m the poster child
Just for the record, one correction
I’m not lost I just lost my direction
And you ask me what this song’s for
That’s easy baby. Baltimore.
Downtown, I got my G-string on and I’m looking for love
Downtown, I got a caffeine buzz and I keep on tryin’
Downtown, I got a tight thong on and I’m looking for love
6. Odds Are 3 to 1
Pomegranate and a glass of juice for breakfast,
A new chain and the Schwinn is Cruisin’ fine
Left my sandals back at the apartment
And I’m loving this morning
Cuz I just scored a free umbrella, I’m gonna be here all afternoon
So I guess that I’ll be seeing you later
Come and find me when you realize there’s nothing better that you can do
Cuz I’m alright right now, and everything’s fine!
Just because I’m thinking of you I’m happy.
Sitting here in the parking lot
The sun is shining and the trees are waving at me
I know you’ve been buried since about 4:30
The chances that I’m driving you home
The odds are 3 to 1
Strike up a conversation with the lady in the armchair
Throw the Frisbee until I watch the sun go down
I lost track of the time, does anybody have the time?
I’ve been trying to get something going, even though we’re only here for awhile
And I know I can’t change your way no matter what I try to do or say
But I’m thinking maybe change is a good thing
But I’ll lead this time, and you won’t follow
So much for our holiday
7. Cookie Jar
And I’m a half step off again
I’ve got my hand in the cookie jar, anything will do now
And I’m a half step off again
I’ve got my hand in the cookie jar
I need something beautiful, would you break me?
I need something beautiful.
And I’ve been wasted way too long
This little rut I’m driving in is simple for the meantime
My misdirection and I’m buried in
I need to rise above
And I’m a half step off again
I’ve got my hand in the cookie jar, somebody’s watching me
My misdirection and I’m sinking in
I need to rise above
I need something beautiful, would you break me?
Give me something beautiful.
8. Grinnell
Grinnell, why’d you trouble me?
I only meant to find myself when I found you.
You were unpredictable. I can’t imagine any better afternoon
If you’d have asked me to runaway, I’d say, “I do.”
Grinnell, you had me wanting more.
The way you played me, I had no chance to say goodbye
But was it only a stupid game in a stupid time
Here I am breaking down
And I’m begging you Grinnell would you come back down?
Why the competition, we’re just so easily entertained
I don’t think that I could ever be on the winning end
You left me for a stranger, Bob, what a price to play
Don’t you agree?
Here I am breaking down
Maybe I just try too hard
A hundred dollars later I’m empty handed, broken hearted
And I’m begging you Grinnell would you come back down
Is this easy for you? Is it easy?
Was I nothing more than a blink in time for you?
Grinnell, you’re the coldest place I’ve ever been.
9. Birthday Suit
Knick knack patty whack, this or that, make up your mind.
With all your worries, seems the only time I find you happy is when you’re wasting my time.
So you stand there and sell me your philosophy.
But the way you’re talking, it sounds like you’re trying to sell yourself instead of selling me.
The last thing that I’m needing is anybody telling me what I should and should not do.
If you get frisky, you can find me floatin’ down the river in my birthday suit
And you can join me if you want to.
Well you think that I’m crazy, and you may well be right,
But life’s too short to worry about all the stupid stuff that keeps you up at night.
Now I think I see it in you, that wild woman wants to be free
And let me tell you the only thing constant about life is inconsistency
So how’s about a round on me?
The last thing that I’m needing is anybody telling me what I should and should not do
If you get frisky you can find me floatin’ down the river in my birthday suit,
And you can join me if you want to.
Close your eyes, and sing me your favorite song
When the time is right, maybe I’ll sing along
Cuz the last thing we’re needing, is something better to do.
I suggest that we get frisky, maybe a little tipsy, and slip into our birthday suits,
Floating down the river, let the summer take our blues away,
Aint nothing better, than wasting every summer day away.
And you can join me if you want to.
10. That’s One
I’m done, I’m done and gone, gone all the way
How I ended up here, I really cannot say
I’ve been, I’ve been through this complacency
These guys only bring out the best and worst in me
Cuz you’re under my time, under my skin
I can’t believe I caught you with him
Caught up in the net, thought that I might get my head together soon
(I need you to let me out, from the little things that you do
I need sometime to get my head together soon)
Of all the dumber things you’ve done, that’s one
We’ve been, we’ve been right here, right here before
I gave you all I had but you’re always wanting more
I know, I know for sure how it all will end
Make these moments mean it, we should not pretend
Stumbled in, about to begin, this stupid shirt of mine’s all wet
And you’re all tangled in a fishing net, and I can bet…
11. Fan of the Bean
Same cliché, I woke up today
I need it in my system and that’s the price I pay
I’d tell you about a blondie who was really hot
I’d tell you how she broke me but I’d rather not
Instead I’ll tell you about my trip to
Vegas, hanging out on the strip
I tried my hand at poker but I lost my grip
I had a few too many now my brains gone soft
Maybe fear and loathing wasn’t too far off
It’s got a stranglehold on me (I shake without it, the buzz, I shake without it)
Well I think it’s obscene, I’m addicted to caffeine
And today I’m not a fan of the bean.
Well there’s no real emergency, so why this sense of urgency?
The day can’t get going without it.
It’s a love, hate, hate, love, love, hate thing
So I bust out my whopping stick and I step outside
A mustang full of ladies goes cruising by
Their stereo’s pumping out the BNL mix
But I can’t chase them until I get my fix
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